So, it is apparent that now, as a parent, I am no longer on time. I mean, I can’t even meet my own deadline to waste time blogging. Sheesh. I used to never understand why my friends who had kids ran late to everything. I now realize that when they showed up, to anything, it was an unrivaled feat. So, be in awe next time you see me in public. Especially before noon. My teeth may not be brushed, but it is still the highlight of my week.
So, as I tend to be sarcastic toward my new role, my husband, and my dear child at times… as a disclaimer before the following series of posts…
I love my boys. My husband is amazing and my son is the light of my life. I might hold a secret celebration when college football season is over and I might wonder sometimes if medically, they can put my baby back in my womb… but they really are my life.
Sometimes I can’t even believe this life is mine. I never thought I would be married, and really never thought of myself as a mother. I love kids. I have made a living teaching them, relating to them, entertaining them, and even writing for them… but a baby of my own? I never really thought of it. So it’s weird how Marriage and now Motherhood too, has grounded and helped me find myself. It’s ironic for me that these two things I would have thought to drag me down and force me to loose my individuality, have not taken away, but have added and now mean so much to my life… a life that sought for freedom.
My husband, my son, this forging of the family…these commitments that I always imagined would be a weight upon my life, have now combined, not to be an unwanted burden, but an anchor. While I used to imagine I would feel most alive traveling, taking risks, going on spontaneous adventures, or doing whatever I pleased. I now find I am most at rest, most alive even, when I look at their faces… staring at sports center. Wondering why dinner isn’t ready or why their personal dairy farm isn’t available. When I am with them, I am somehow, in the craziness, sleeplessness, challenges, and fun, most secure and most “me.”
Maybe every parent and spouse experiences this… maybe it is just what happens whenever you experience both sides of true love. Maybe the idea of family is where God shows us in some mystical way, reflecting how he is endeared to us… CS Lewis refers to being ‘Surprised by Joy.’ I would say I have been surprised by what has brought me joy and this new kind of freedom and self… the ole ball and chain.
